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    "At first coming out of that, you’re quite disappointed obviously and you’re thinking about whether football is the right path for you.

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    The case of Champagne (12 bottles, please, not six) is normally payable when you first, ahhhh, get to know the man. This will make you think twice before leaping into bed on the first date. I even went in for the true nutters' race, The Marathon des Sables. What happens when you reach your forties is that realise that if you don't immediately seize these dreams, then they'll have passed you by.

    Now here's the clincher: You also have to pay up ANOTHER case of Bollinger for every year that the relationship lasts. Hopefully you'll be drinking a lot of it too, so it's important to be offering up a drink that you enjoy. They just need a small kick up the backside so that they can effect the introduction. That's basically running races that are longer than a 26-mile marathon.

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